No 3, 2002

In this article(*), you are told what you as a parent or other adult authority figure can do to strengthen the resolve of children and teenagers to refuse illegal drugs. It contains ten ways to keep your kids off drugs—practical suggestions that will help inoculate the kids in your life against the lure of illicit drugs. Although prevention is unquestionably the better road, you also need to know the major symptoms of possible drug abuse, and a few suggestions about how to respond if you suspect that a young person in your life is abusing drugs. That information is here, too.

Every day the war on drugs is won—or lost —in homes across America. It is in our homes that family members choose whether or not to become customers of the drug trade. If they decide not to buy or use drugs, then drug dealers must move on until they find a willing buyer. As important as it is that the United States battle the drug cartels in Colombia of Afghanistan, the anti-drug messages that you deliver at home are our nation’s most reliable means of ending the scourge of drug abuse. As Joseph Califano, Jr., president and chairman of Columbia University’s Center on Substance Abuse, says, ‘A child who reaches age 21 without smoking, abusing alcohol or using drugs is virtually certain never to do so.’ You may not be able to control whether your child will be offered drugs, but you can strongly influence your child’s decision to say ‘no’ when drugs are offered.

No matter where or how you live, your children will be offered the opportunity to use illegal drugs. No community is immune from this scourge. Whether you live in a small town or a metropolis, whether your kids attend public or private schools, the day will come when someone—probably a friend or acquaintance—will offer them marijuana, ecstasy, cocaine, or one of the dozens of different mind-altering pills that are available today. You can minimize their exposure to drugs by monitoring your children’s activities and social contacts. However, you cannot eliminate drugs completely from their environment. Therefore, you have to inoculate them against succumbing to temptation.

Kids who begin on ‘gateway’ drugs such as marijuana (or alcohol or tobacco!) are far more likely to move on to stronger, more addictive substances as they get older. Once the drug habit is established, it is exceedingly difficult—and enormously expensive—to break. Residential drug treatment programs can cost several thousand dollars per month. Imagine: all the money that parents have saved for their child’s college education can be drained to pay for drug rehab programs.

Ten ways to keep your kids off drugs

How can you be confident that the young people in your life will say ‘no’ when someone offers an illicit substance? Many resources exist that suggest ways to ‘drug-proof your kids’. (Some are listed at the end of this article.) I believe that key factors in the success of any anti-drug approach are:

Be a good role model. If you drink alcohol, do so in moderation. If you and your spouse are going somewhere where alcohol will be served, let your children hear you decide which of you will be the designated driver.

2. Clearly express your disapproval of substance abuse. Establish firm rules and clear consequences about any infractions of your family’s policies about drugs, alcohol and tobacco.

Remind your children that our bodies were created and loaned to us by God—and that we are forbidden to abuse our bodies by ingesting drugs. Tell them you don’t care what ‘everybody else’ thinks or does. In your family, a zero-tolerance policy prevails: No marijuana. No ecstasy. No underage drinking. (But chocolate is okay.)

Don’t assume that your children know you are against drug use. Remember that they are getting many messages from the media–and perhaps even from peers—that drug use is commonplace and possibly acceptable.

The consequences for breaching the zero-tolerance policy should carry a bite. For a given period of time, you may decide that there will be no driving, no social events, no Instant Messenger or no video games. Also look into ways that your kid can learn more about the ugly downside of drug use. Whether you recommend that the child volunteer in a shelter for homeless kids (many of whom have become homeless because of their parents’ drug use) or write an essay about long-term results of drug use, choose an assignment that fits your child’s character.

Daily involvement in your children’s lives is your most powerful support for keeping your kids out of trouble. Know where they are going and whom they are with. Establish curfews and stick to them. Stay awake until your teenagers get home at night and greet them at the door—no matter how late it is.

When you know your kids’ friends and are aware of their hobbies and activities, you will know if your child starts to go off track. Most importantly of all, your kids will know that they matter to you. Supervise their activities. Encourage them to invite friends to your home. Help them with their hobbies.

Columbia University’s Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) notes, ‘The more engaged parents are in their children’s lives, and the more they engage in simple parenting activities, the less likely their children will be to smoke, drink or use illegal drugs.’

Research shows that people who believe in God and practice their religion are less likely to take refuge in substance abuse. Moreover, your participation in faith-based activities models your belief in obedience to a set of behavorial guidelines that goes beyond ‘doing what feels good.’ Send the clear message that illegal drug use is forbidden by God and by you, the parent.

People abuse drugs for many reasons; one key reason is that they believe the drug will help them solve a problem in the moment. Perhaps they feel intensely anxious or lonely, or they crave the sense of belonging that comes from gaining the approval of their peers. As an adult, you know that drug use is a foolish way to solve any problem because it creates so many more serious problems in its wake. However, if a person has not developed strategies for solving life’s inevitable problems, and mechanisms for dealing with the stress and disappointment of daily life, they may succumb to the lure of the quick fix. Help your children generate multiple possible solutions to the problems they face, and praise them when they reach a solution. Then, when they face more complex problems in adolescence and adulthood, they will know that they have the tools to help themselves.

If you insist on making every decision and controlling every choice your child makes, the child will never gain the confidence or the experience to make decisions for himself. Let your child learn that every choice has a consequence.

Making choices is a skill; like any skill, it improves with practice. Permit your children to make the small choices—what color shirt to wear, what kind of plates to use at the birthday party, and so forth, when they are small. Let them make medium-sized choices when they are in middle school and junior high—what elective to take, whether or not to run for student council, and, to a certain extent, how to spend their own money. Then, when they get to high school, they will be confident about their values and make correct decisions.

According to The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University’s (CASA) 1999-Teen Survey, teens from families that almost never eat dinner together are 72 percent likelier than the average teen to use illegal drugs, cigarettes and alcohol, while those from families that almost always eat dinner together are 31 percent less likely than the average teen to engage in these activities.

Family dinners enable you to hear from every member of your family, sharing the ups and downs of their day. Be willing to talk about anything and everything. Use ‘teachable moments’ to open up discussions of the consequences of drug abuse and the media portrayal of drug users. Classroom discussions, newspaper stories, radio news, television show, and films can all provide a springboard for examining the issues.

Most kids do not get illegal drugs from strangers; they get them from ‘friends’. So make sure your kids know that a person who urges them to use drugs is not a real friend.

Know who your kids’ friends are. Know the last name and the address of their friends’ families. Talk to your kids about what makes a good friend. Is a person who encourages you to be anything less than your best self a true friend? Is a person who encourages you to disobey your parents really a good friend?

Using illegal drugs can have serious costs to a person—physically, emotionally, legally, academically and professionally. Give information appropriate to your child’s age. Contact the resource organizations mentioned below. They can give you credible information about the long-term damage caused by drug use. Repeat the message many times. As they get older, they may need to hear the message again in a different form.

Hug them. Kiss them. Tell them how glad you are that they are in your life. Your big hulking teenage boy and your angry, moody teenage girl still need hugs and encouragement from you every day. Don’t let their cool façade fool you. Speak from the heart and they will hear you. As Teen Challenge says, ‘Kids who know that they are loved are less likely to disappoint the people who love them.’

Drug abuse will end when we cut off the problem at its source. The source of drug abuse is in people’s willingness to use drugs. When we train our children to seek inspiration, respite, solace, excitement, and acceptance through purposeful activity and sincere relationships, we are fighting the war on drugs. When we have prepared our children to meet life head on, then we will have won the war on drugs. While politicians and policy makers develop solutions in their domains, the ultimate triumph in the war on drugs will be won in your home and in mine.

How to find out: Is your child using drugs?

The mood swings and unpredictable behavior of the ‘tween and teen years often make it hard to tell if a child is using drugs—but there are warning signs you can watch out for. lf your child exhibits one or more of the following behaviors or moods, drugs may have become a part of his or her life:

• She’s withdrawn, depressed, tired, or careless about her personal grooming.

• He’s hostile, uncooperative, and frequently breaks curfews.

• Her relationships with family members have deteriorated.

• He’s hanging around with a new group of friends.

• Her grades have slipped, and her school attendance is irregular.

• He’s lost interest in hobbies, sports, and other favorite activities.

• Her eating and sleeping patterns have changed; she’s up at night and sleeps during the day.

• He has a hard time concentrating.

• Her eyes are red-rimmed and her nose is runny—but she doesn’t have allergies or a cold.

• Household money has been disappearing.

• You have found any of the following in your home: pipes, rolling papers, small medicine bottles, eye drops, butane lighters, homemade pipes, or bongs (pipes that use water as a filter) made from soda cans or plastic beverage containers.

Some of these indicators can be caused by emotional problems or physical illness. Discuss the possibility with your child’s doctor and, if necessary, take him in for a physical exam. lf illness is not the problem, it’s time to choose a course of action.

What to do if you suspect your child is using drugs…

1. Ask.

If the answer is ‘no’, then ask what accounts for their low grades, insomnia, irritability, etc. (see above). Don’t let the conversation end until you have a believable, rational answer.

2. lf you are unsatisfied with the answers you get, do a drug test, with or without your child’s consent.

You can buy a test that uses a piece of hair from the child’s pillow or hairbrush, or one that requires a urine sample. Ask your physician which is best for your purposes, or call an organization that helps families of drug abusers.

3. lf the test is positive, confront your child immediately.

Express your deep concern for his or her wellbeing.

Do not treat drug use as a ‘phase’ or as normal experimentation. lt is not normal. lt is not good. lf you don’t vigorously combat this habit now, you may lose your child forever.

4. Get treatment immediately.

Call your doctor and ask for advice about finding a treatment program. You might also want to contact Hazelden Foundation, Phoenix House, Teen Challenge, or another resource organization for advice.

Drug-Abuse Treatment Resources

When you start looking for information and support, you will find an enormous wealth of resources. These are just a few of the organizations that can help you address drug use in your home or community.

P. 0. Box 11, C03, Center City, Minn. 55012-0011 (800) 257-7810 www.hazelden.org

Hazelden is a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping people recover from alcoholism and other drug addiction. It provides residential and outpatient treatment for adults and young people, programs for families affected by chemical dependency, and training for a variety of professionals. Hazelden is also known as the world’s premier publisher of information on this subject and related areas.

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University (CASA)

633 Third Avenue, 19th floor, New York, NY 10017-6706 Phone: (212) 841-5200 Fax: (212) 956-8020 www.casacolumbia.org

CASA’s mission is to inform Americans of the economic and social costs of substance abuse and its impact on their lives, to encourage every individual and institution to take responsibility to combat substance abuse and addiction, and to provide those on the front lines with the tools they need to succeed.

The Partnership For A Drug-Free America is a non-profit coalition of professionals from the communications industry, whose mission is to help teens reject substance abuse.

Phoenix House is the nation’s largest non-profit organization devoted to the treatment and prevention of substance abuse-treating nearly 5.400 adults and adolescents each day at more than 90 programs nationwide. Committed to empowering their clients with skills and self-confidence so that they can lead independent, productive, and rewarding lives, Phoenix House is also the nation’s leading provider of substance abuse treatment programs, professional referrals, and support.

For over 40 years, Teen Challenge has been going into schools around the world working with teens to educate them about the dangers of drugs. lt is the oldest, largest and most successful program of its kind in the world, with more than 150 centers in the United States and 250 centers world-wide. Working from a Christian perspective, they offer educational programs, interventions, counseling, and rehabilitation programs.

Kids and Drugs

Ten ways to keep your kids off drugs

Drug-Abuse Treatment Resources